Sunday, September 28, 2008

The Update

Our lives have been insane over the last several weeks. We have gone from one house to the next, and I feel like our bags have basically stayed halfway packed around the clock, even when we are at home.

When I got back from Florida, we had a little bit of down time before Sharla and the kids arrived. They got in on September 1, and I think this weekend is the first time that we have spent completely at home since then. We were back and forth between Mom's and Dad's and Nana's. And of course, it was so much fun, and so good to see Sharla and the kids. But it's also no wonder that Liv came down with a pretty intense ear infection this week. She started seeming yucky at first over the weekend, but I chalked it up to a cold and moved on. It wasn't until Wednesday morning, when she woke up with a fever, that I gave the whole thing a little more credit. I stayed home from work and took her in to see the doctor. That night, her fever had gotten up to 104.5, and after the fever issues we had earlier this year that landed us in the ER, I definitely was a little freaked out. Mom managed to help me bring it down, but it was still going the next morning, so I had to stay home again. Because of the role I play in my company, it's really not pleasant for me to have to be out two days in a row, unless I've planned it in advance and redistributed some things. So in the middle of Livi being sick and feverish and generally miserable, I was also trying to get my house clean, work from home as much as possible, and take care of my baby. All of that managed to wear me out emotionally and physically. I felt like no one was getting the best I had to offer, and out of everyone who looks to me for my daily contributions, Olivia is definitely the most important. I just won't do that to her again. The next day she was still running a fever, but I had made arrangements for Mom and Nana to take turns keeping her so I could go in to the office.

It's Sunday now, and Livi seems to be getting better, although this morning was the first time since Wednesday that she has eaten a full meal, and last night we were up from 2am-4am because she was crying and fussing. Rachel got home from Boston last night, so she got Livi out of bed this morning and let me sleep in - which was so awesome, I really needed it, and now the babe is taking her nap. I think we are both looking forward to getting back into our normal routine tomorrow.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately about mine and Olivia's future, and that in itself has been a little exhausting. I am thankful that I find myself in a place where I can look beyond mere survival to what my dreams are - for me, for her, for us. The interesting thing about getting older is that you have to be able to look at what your dreams were, and say, it's okay that you didn't get there...because now you have new dreams, different dreams, and they are defined by who you are in a way that no dream has ever been before. I truly believe that God wants us to have dreams - because I think He wants to fulfill them for us and be glorified. There is a specific dream in my heart right now, and I think my overall prayer is: if You would let me do would be awesome. Just show me how.

Well, I have a grave mess in the kitchen to clean up. Last night I made dinner, and I managed to grab the handle of a cast iron skillet fresh out of a 500 degree oven with my bare hand. It throbbed for about two and a half hours. But here's an interesting home remedy: instead of Neosporin, I put Lidocaine on it - you know, the stuff you put on a sunburn - and it seriously made all the difference. I didn't blister at all, and today you can barely even see where I burned myself. Alright, I'm off to scrub some pots.

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