Tantrums and the Still, Small Voice

I stopped writing my ideas down in my Moleskine because I got distracted, busy, etc. I regret that and am immediately making amends.

Today's lesson: listen carefully, and stop being so ridiculously stubborn.

Liv and I had a great morning - we got up early, and I took her to breakfast on the way to daycare, then I headed on to another 2-day session at UALR. When I got to daycare this afternoon to pick Livi up, I was met with a very unexpected surprise. See, lately when I've picked her up, she's been less-than-excited to see me. I know it's just because she's having fun playing with her friends, plus she's all independent now, so I really don't let it bother me. Well, today, she ran to me and just hugged me and clung to me and laughed and it was just awesome. On the way out, her teacher told me that Kohl's was having a good sale on kids' clothes, so I thought it'd be a good idea to run by there before going home and see if we could find anything cute. As I was pulling into the parking lot, though, something was telling me that maybe it wasn't such a good idea - maybe I should just take the kiddo home and enjoy a quiet evening together. But I had already decided that I wanted to take Liv shopping, so we parked and went in the store.

The rest...is tantrum history. Literally, this one took the cake. She cried, she screamed, she kicked, she cried some more. All because I wouldn't let her push the cart and instead made her sit in it. Oh, she was mad. Eventually I caved, and she ended up pushing the cart. And after 10 minutes of that, I think it's a safe assumption that everyone in Kohl's knew her name. Literally, the cashier called her by name as we were leaving and told us to have a good night. More crying and kicking ensued when I tried to put her in her carseat. It. Was. Agony. Trying to get her into the house was not any easier.

Finally I managed to get her and our things inside and get dinner started. She wanted to be held, and to watch her movie, so that's what I did. But I couldn't help feeling guilty. Instead of spending the entire evening hanging out and having fun together, we had spent an hour fighting, and 15 minutes cuddling before I had to finish dinner, feed us, and start the bedtime routine. Why am I so stubborn?? What is it in me that couldn't just say: eh, let's just go home. I think I know the answer, and I don't like it. Not one bit. Suffice it to say that this girl needs to get rid of some junk rattling around in my head.

My sweetie sleeps peacefully now. And as I head that direction myself, I realize just how grateful I am that His mercies are new every morning.